The Bible By Fireside
by The Writer0214
Summary: I know this has been done and done to death but I wanted to try it anyway. Feel free to ask your favorite member of David's family anything. Subsequent chapters may include other favorite Bible characters as well. Please send in your questions. Thank you!
1. Chapter 1

**The Fireside Room**

**(or the Bible Room)**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the idea, nor do I own the characters.

**Author's Notes:** I know this has been done to death, but I thought I would like to try it. This time, experimenting with _different_ characters from the Bible. Starting with David and the Royal Family. You can ask your favorite characters anything.

[_The set shows a fireplace and tall bookcases with ladders to reach some of the books with. Before the fireplace is a coffee table, pillows, couches, and comfortable chairs. The fire is warm, bright, and inviting. Enter our host._]

**The Writer0214:** Good evening, gents and ladies! And welcome to The Fireside Room. Also known as The Bible Room. This is your host, Jethro! Here, you have a chance to ask your favorite Bible characters anything you want to ask them. Ask them, dare them, anything you please! Just leave your questions/dares in the reviews thingy and our guests will be sure to answer your questions. And here are our guests for tonight's show….

[_They enter._]

**The Writer0214:** Head of the party of guests for tonight's episode, **David** himself! [_applause_]

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome…**Bathsheba! **[_whistling and cheers; David, Absalom, and Solomon glare at the whistling crowd_]

Once known as the Rose of Benjamin, the **Princess Michal!** [_more cheers_]

**Michal:** _Once? Once?! And _that's _queen_ to you, commoner!

**The Writer0214: Amnon!** [_boos_] **Adonijah!** [_slight applause_] The **Prince Jonathan!** [_crowd rises and applauds_]

**Michal:** Oh, great. _What in the name of Sheol_ is my airhead-of-a-brother doing here? [_frowns_]

**The Writer0214:** Well? Everybody likes him.

**Michal:** [_sarcastically_] I can _see_ why.

**The Writer0214:** Everyone, please welcome **Queen Abigail!** [_more cheers, whistles, and applause_]

**Michal:** [_irate_] Oh! So _she's_ the _queen_, is that it?

**The Writer0214:** Please welcome…**Princess Tamar!** [_warm applause; some from the crowd are whistling_]

[_Absalom gets up_] **Absalom:** Alright! Who's whistling? _Cut it out!_ [_Absalom glares at the crowd then at Amnon. They glare at each other._]

**The Writer0214:** Come on, people! Please, whoever is whistling, stop it. Seriously. It's inappropriate. And now, please welcome…**Ahinoam!** [_slight applause_] **Jesse!** [_slight applause_] **Joab!** [_wild cheering_] And last but not least of all, **Mephibosheth!**

**Joab:** Unfortunately, Abishai and Asahel cannot make it tonight.

**Michal:** [_scoffing_] Them? Huh… Who would want to invite those two…dogs?

**Joab:** Silence, woman!

[_The room grows still as Mephibosheth comes in with crutches. Even Joab shuts up. Adonijah gets up and helps him to his seat. The Royal Family of Israel is now seated on the couches and chairs; some are comfortable on the floor_.]

**The Writer0214:** Alright, people! Showtime! Remember; send in your requests, questions and dares, and our guests will be sure to answer them if they can. So start sending 'em in!

**Absalom:** [_cracks his knuckles_] Yes, please do. I'm itching for some questions. That is—I'd like to ask _some_ of my own. [_glares at Amnon again; flexes his neck and makes a cracking sound with it_]

[_Joab gets up and moves to sit in between them to intervene_]

**The Writer0214:** Guys, guys, guys! Hold it! Hold it! Whoah! No need for this now. Please. And again, remember—send in those questions, dares, and requests… Before these two people here kill each other.

**Absalom/Amnon:** [_cracks their knuckles_] What did you say?

**The Writer0214:** N-nothing… Nothing…

**Absalom/Amnon:** Good.

[_awkward silence_]

**Abigail:** You know, this place is nice. Cozy. Comfortable. I like the couches and the fireplace.


	2. Chapter 2

*fangirl squee emanates from somewhere in the crowd upon Jonathan's entrance* JONATHAN!

**Atarah Derek: ***Ahem* Sorry. Just needed a moment to compose myself.

My first question is for Prince Jonathan, David's brother under the sun (to borrow a song title from Bryan Adams). What inspired you as a fourteen-year-old kid to attack an entire Philistine garrison with just your armor bearer to back you up? And why didn't you show the same courage in front of Goliath? Was it because of your kind brotherly nature that you wanted David to get the credit, because you inherently knew that God had something amazing planned for him? What did you think when you found out David was going to be your brother-in-law? How come your sister doesn't know how to have fun? (BTW, beautiful name, Michal. Hebrew for "brook." I like that.) And finally, what do you REALLY want to say to all those people who think you're gay? Don't hold back; they can take it. 

**Michal:** _Excuse me?_ I do know how to have fun.

**Jonathan:** She's just jealous because she's still in love with David. Never stopped being.

**Michal:** Oh, _shut it!_

**The Writer0214:** Okay. For the answers… Jonathan?

**Jonathan:** Ah, yes… The garrison. I did it for the glory of Yahweh. Well, Goliath…it was different. We were all scared. Even Cousin Abner was scared. Father was scared. None of us had the courage to stand up to him. That is…until David came along.

**Michal:** Here…we go…again.

[_Jonathan and Michal glare at each other._]

**The Writer0214:** How did you feel about the betrothal? How did you feel when you found out David was to be your brother-in-law?

[_They stop glaring at each other. Michal blushes and tries to hide a smile, remembering the engagement._]

**Jonathan:** Well, of course I was excited about it. I was happy for my sister Michal. I was happier still to find out that she was to marry my best friend. And I was happy for David as well. But it was sort of scary too. I suspected a trap. Around that time, Father had begun to show signs of hatred toward and uneasiness around David. So I didn't think the marriage _was_ possible. And if Father would push through with the marriage, I suspected it would be a trap. My fears were realized when Father sent him out to kill those Philistines and bring back their foreskins. I thought he was done for.

**The Writer0214:** Awesome… And about the…

**Jonathan:** Yes, about the issue… I have only two words to say. Damn liberals.

[_The group laughs_]

**The Writer0214:** Atarah?

**Atarah Derek:** Thank you. My next question is for Absalom. Why were you so merciful to Amnon? Wouldn't it have been far more fitting to put him in a much more...eunuch...situation, if you know what I mean? And why did you get upset at your dad for loving Amnon no matter what a slimebucket-who-deserves-a-very-painful-castration he is? Isn't that a dad's job? You should have let your dad punish him.

And Amnon...I refuse to even SPEAK to him! Death was too good for him.

Finally, King David. Who really designed the six-pointed star named after you?

**The Writer0214:** Folks?

**Absalom:** Merciful? [_smirks_] Indeed. At that time, the only thing I could think of was death. I hated Amnon so much I wanted him to suffer—a painful death. I thought of castration as well but decided against it. I didn't want to see Tamar depressed each time she saw Amnon, which is what happened. Amnon was a living reminder to Tamar about what had happened—what Amnon did. What he took. That's why I brought her to my house. So she wouldn't see him. But that wasn't enough for me. I had to address the problem at its root. And so I had him killed.

**The Writer0214:** Why did you get upset with your dad, as Atarah says, for loving Amnon? I agree. You should have let him punish Amnon.

**Absalom:** I would have allowed him to. If he weren't so _weak_.

[_The group and the audience is shocked._]

I wanted him to have Amnon executed. _But no!_ He suggested exile! What good does exile do?

[_David is about to speak; I hold up a hand._]

**Amnon:** You had me put to death because you had another agenda. I _was_ the oldest! _Had_ the birthright! So you had to kill me to get rid of me and take over once Father was dead!

[_Again, the group is shocked. Amnon looks at Tamar._]

See? He never really loved you like a brother. He had his own agenda _to begin with_.

[_Tamar stands up to leave and bursts into tears._]

**Tamar:** [_glaring at her twin brother Absalom_] And I thought _you did! How could you?_

[_She storms out of the room._]

**Absalom:** [_angrily_] See what you've done? _See what you've done?_ [_he rushes at him_]

[_Security crew steps in to break them up_]

**Abigail:** _Satisfied_, Amnon?

**Amnon:** And _who_ made you queen and mother over us? I only said what was true!

[_Abigail rushes out of the room to find Tamar. The rest of the group takes sides except for David. He shakes his head._]

**The Writer0214:** Alright, ladies and gentlemen. We're just about ready for a commercial break. We'll be right back.

[_After the break… Everyone is seated, resettled in their seats again. Everyone is calm._]

**The Writer0214:** Welcome back, folks! Now, were did we last leave off?

**Solomon:** The Star…

**The Writer0214:** Ah, yes… The Star… David, who came up with that design?

**Jonathan:** It... [_trails off_]

**The Writer0214:** You were going to say something, Highness?

**Jonathan:** No, no, go ahead. I'll let David answer.

**David:** Yes. The Star. It started with the Benjamite dynasty. With Saul. When Benjamin agreed to make me king, they began to name the Star after me.

**Jonathan:** There you go.

**The writer0214:** Interesting. Hmmm… We got a lot of time left. Anyone else have some questions?


End file.
